


It's Technically Just Sweat

by Quefish



Series: When an Angel and a Demon Get Silly [11]
Category: Good Omens (TV), Good Omens - Neil Gaiman & Terry Pratchett
Genre: Burning toe, Coat of Arms - Freeform, Crack, Crack Relationships, Crack Treated Seriously, Crowley's tattoo loves Aziraphale's ring, Goosebumps - Freeform, I don't even fucking know, If you need me I'll be in the Confessional because this is the worst sin I've ever committed, Other, Plot What Plot/Porn Without Plot, Porn, Porn kinda, Tattoo x Jewelry sex, The writer has been saying "WTF am I writing" pretty much nonstop, This wasn't my idea, Unreasonable Smut, Weirdest Crack You'll Ever Read, porn if you squint, ridiculous smut
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-04-24
Updated: 2020-04-24
Packaged: 2021-03-01 22:53:45
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,897
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23814916
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Quefish/pseuds/Quefish
Summary: After drunken fun, Crowley ends up with Aziraphale's signet ring on one of his toes. His tattoo pays it a visit.I did adrunk readingof this, I hope you enjoy!
Relationships: Aziraphale & Crowley (Good Omens), Aziraphale's Ring/Crowley's Tattoo, Aziraphale/Crowley (Good Omens), Grace/Jake (Good Omens)
Series: When an Angel and a Demon Get Silly [11]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1644778
Comments: 89
Kudos: 140





	It's Technically Just Sweat

**Author's Note:**

  * For [Miele_Petite](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Miele_Petite/gifts), [Roasted_and_ghosted](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Roasted_and_ghosted/gifts), [CynSyn](https://archiveofourown.org/users/CynSyn/gifts).



“Err, Crowley, dear … do you recall that film I took you to? The one about the girl and the water?”

Crowley squinted an eye open and peered at Aziraphale. “Eh, yeah? Why?”

“Well, I don’t mean to alarm you, of course, but it seems that your, ehm, sigil, seems to have gotten some ideas?”

Crowley’s other eye opened and he turned to fully take in the nervous shock on the angel’s face. “Wot??”

“Well, it’s … well, what I mean to say is … it’s gone?” Aziraphale reached out and tapped the spot below Crowley’s sideburn where his snake usually rested. Crowley’s eyes widened and eyebrows drew in in confusion.

“Wot?!” The redhead leapt out of bed and went to the washroom to look in the mirror. Sure enough, his sigil, who he would never admit to calling Jake, was gone. “What th- Jake?!” Well, there went his secret.

“I’m sorry, your sigil has a name?” Aziraphale had just come through the door and raised an eyebrow. “Is that what the J stands for? Anthony and Jake Crowley?”

“Well, it does now.” Crowley muttered. He started twisting and turning trying to find it with no luck. As he danced around, Aziraphale also tried to locate the sig- er, Jake. But it simply wasn’t to be found.

“Perhaps he is hiding in your hair, dear? It was a bit chilly this morning.” Crowley nodded glumly, where the Heaven could the little bugger have gone? 

The excitement was enough that neither entity remembered how rip-roaringly drunk and ridiculous they had been the night before, trying on each other’s clothes and accessories. Crowley had been especially loud with his giggles when he discovered that Aziraphale’s ring perfectly fit one of his toes. Of course, he had stopped laughing when he saw Aziraphale poured into a pair of his boxer briefs, filling them in ways that made his mouth go dry. The evening stopped being funny and started being vigorously affectionate.

The two decided to head to a local diner for breakfast. Aziraphale dressing slowly, and Crowley simply snapping his clothes on as usual. They headed off, walking hand in hand.

~~~~~

 _”I’ll have to take the long route, Angel noticed really quickly that I was missing.”_ Jake held still under Crowley’s hair until there was enough movement that he figured his own movements wouldn’t be noticed. He peeked out under the back of Crowley’s hair before sneaking down the back of his neck. He held perfectly still as he felt Crowley’s hand come up to scratch his back. _I must be tickly, better make it fast, then.”_

Jake could feel the tingle of the Angel’s Holiness, so close by. It was so rare that he felt it clearly. The Angel always touched him with the wrong hand, although he did enjoy it when he got kisses. This was different though. 

The snake held still as he was scratched and then quickly shot down Crowley’s spine, burrowing into the top of his crack. He heard a yelp and felt Crowley do a quick dance at the sensation. He heard the Angel ask if he was feeling alright. “Yeah, maybe I’m just jumpy.”

Jake made a break for it as he felt Crowley arranging himself to do what he called sitting in the diner booth. He took the long way, not willing to risk going too close to anything interesting that would draw too much of Crowley’s attention, before finally making it to his foot. The Holy tingle was so addicting and warm, and he slowly moved towards it. 

**”I can feel you, serpent … “** Jake gave a small vibration of nervousness. **”What does my wearer say? Fear Not. Come closer, sweet slitherer.”**

Jake came closer to the warm glow encircling Crowley’s toe, his tiny scales beginning to tingle. He didn’t have eyes as such, but he had instinct. His tiny tongue flicked out, causing a small ripple in Crowley’s skin … he could feel the Holiness buzzing the tiny ends of the fork, and he came closer. 

**”I’ve been waiting for you, tempting tattoo … “** The ring gave an almost imperceptible glow, drawing the drawing in even further. 

Jake wouldn’t have been able to stay away even if he wanted to. He was so close, he’d never been so close to her. _”What do I call you, golden girl? “_

 **”You may call me Grace, my cute coil … “** Another small glow as Jake came closer still. **”And you? What name for you, racy racer?”**

 _”I rather enjoy the nicknames, but Crowley calls me Jake.“_ He had now circled Crowley’s toe, seeing the coat of arms on Grace’s face. He gave a small hissing laugh.

**”What amuses you, viperous vixen? “**

_”Well, I’m sure that your face is supposed to be a lion of some sort, but it looks a lot like a dancing demon to me.”_ He gave another hiss as he giggled.

**”I have noticed that as well, observant oozer. I’ve no doubt Aziraphale has as well.”**

_”Didn’t like that one.”_ Jake coiled on himself a bit.

**”Many things ooze, lovely lurker … your Crowley oozes charm, does he not?”**

_”S’pose he does. Alright, that one was fine.”_ Jake loosened up again. Coming as close as he could, he looked up at her. _"Ok, look, no idea how long I’ve actually got with you, so I’m going to spill it out, alright?”_

 **”I’m intrigued, captivating constrictor.”** Grace gave another light glow.

 _”You are gorgeous and tingly and … well, I’d really like to … “_ Jake felt himself go pinker, as he did when Crowley was a nanny.

Grace let out a glow that felt like a smirk. **”My my, is my remarkable rogue recommending a risque romp ‘round a ring?”** Jake nodded. **“Oh you wicked wiggler … I thought you’d never ask. Come closer, erotic entwiner … “**

Jake slithered under the ring, and flicked his tongue, poking skin lightly at the crevices in the detailed wings curving along Grace’s sides. A breathy giggle preceded a soft, **“Oh, I do like that, more please, tongue twister …”**

Jake moved up and down leaving no golden feather untouched as Grace glowed above him. Her gasps and squeals guided him as he thoroughly enjoyed himself. The Holiness zapped on his tongue, causing his inky eyes to roll around in ecstasy. He could feel part of his lower scales become damp, presumably with sweat. 

He pulled himself partially out from under the ring, most of his body still flicking back and forth, caressing the feathers. He pulled himself up as far as he could, grateful for Crowley’s stretchy skin, as he came snout to coat-of-arms with Grace. He rubbed his snout all over the shield, tickling his tongue out, licking everything he could reach as Grace’s glow reached a blinding flash as she called out in ravished joy. 

~~“Crowley? Did you hear something?” ~~

Grace’s glow slowly dimmed down as she came back to her normal golden shine. **“Oh, Jake … that was amazing, I’ve never felt so polished before … “**

Jake smirked a bit, preening a bit. _”Must have been, you used my name._ Jake moved his head in an approximation of a wink before he looked a bit uncertain. _”Um … Grace?”_

Grace gave a glow before whispering huskily. **”Get under here, sexy sigil … get your hieroglyphic hemipenes humping, you horny heretic.“**

Jake didn’t need to be told twice as he made his way under Grace again, this time showing his underbelly where Jake was proudly presenting himself. He gave a little wiggle, encouraging the skin around him to get goosebumps … this didn’t only have to be for him, after all. As he slithered into place, he wrapped himself around Crowley’s toe, every bit of him was touching Grace, and not even a millimeter of her curves weren’t covered. He slowly began spinning, the goosebumps vibrating along Grace’s inner wall, each feather getting rubbed, and even the lion on her coat-of-arms was stretching and purring, rubbing against the shield. 

~~”Ow! What the fuck?!”~~

~~”Crowley dear, what’s wrong?”~~

~~”Like I got a rock stuck in my toe or something. Like just bumping around or something.”

Jake didn’t even notice the frantic jiggle of Crowley’s foot, trying to dislodge whatever was going on with his foot. He raised the goosebumps again and started spinning faster. Grace was panting and squealing, the lion on its back whipping back and forth. 

~~”There is it again, Crowley, do you hear it? Like a celestial whisper?”~~

~~”I have no idea, Angel!” Crowley was frantically grabbing at his boot, pulling it off, whatever it was was now burning AND bumpy.~~

Jake hissed loudly as beads of sweat popped out along the goosebumps and he began slowing down, relaxing the skin around him. He was panting and basking in the warmth of Grace, glowing brightly. 

The lion suddenly leapt back into position as the brightness of outside light suddenly surrounded them. It cautiously looked up and saw the angel and demon looking down at her, confused. Grace whispered, **“I believe we are discovered, my pleasurable prowler … “** Grace resized herself briefly, giving the emblem a snug embrace. 

~~”Oh! I hadn’t even noticed it was gone! That must have been the irritation you were feeling, my dear.” Aziraphale reached down and gently slid the ring off of Crowley’s toe before making a surprised sound. “Oh … my dear, there’s a snake in your boot.”~~

The lion waved as she was pulled farther away from Jake, and Jake gave a small wiggle of his tail in return. He watched the angel put the ring back on his finger before turning his face toward Crowley.

He moved to the top of Crowley’s foot, coiled shyly.

~~”Alright, you had your fun wandering around, get back where you belong.”~~

~~Aziraphale watched as the sigil slowly made its way back onto Crowley’s face, coiling properly into place.~~

~~~~~

Aziraphale leaned forward and kissed the little snake. “Lovely, you looked all wrong without him there. I did miss him.” He smiled at Jake.

Crowley smiled and headed into the washroom to get a proper look at his face as Aziraphale sat down with a book. He took a look at his ring and murmured, “You are so warm! Comes from being worn by a demon I suppose.” Grace gave a small preen and showed off a polished glow as Aziraphale opened his book with a smile. 

After closing the door, Crowley’s eyes narrowed as he looked in the mirror. “Jake. Did you _seriously_ just do what I think you just did?”

Jakes coils moved into a small shrug, but Crowley could feel the smug and sleepy satisfaction coming off the sigil in waves. Crowley then finally noticed how damp his toe was. He gave a small shudder as he balanced himself to put his foot in the sink for a scrub. He felt a hissing giggle on the side of his face and thought he heard a whisper.

“No, I DO NOT believe it is sweat, Jake.” His teeth were clenched as he washed his foot. He felt the pout without even looking in the mirror. “Ok, look … maybe I’ll wear it again sometime. But the reason why has to be our little secret. Aziraphale is _never_ going to let me live it down if he finds out I am allowing booty calls for my tattoo and his ring.”

Jake gave a happy wiggle and settled into place, already thinking of his next rendezvous with the beautiful jewelry.

**Author's Note:**

> I am so freaking sorry that you had to read this. 
> 
> Please blame comments from the NSFW Party Room. 
> 
> That said, please tell me what you think of this "porn" :)


End file.
